Monday, 19 October 2015

Well we are half way through October already, we have been discussing what we will be doing at Christmas.



It is going to be a three hour drive just to get back to Devon to see family, and then we wouldn't have enough time to see everyone before travelling three hours back, we would have to pay for accommodation somewhere, and that with the extra fuel makes it expensive.

So we have decided we will post gifts instead, not sure what reaction we will get, we just get fed up, we seem to be the only ones who usually make an effort to go visiting and now everyone just assumes we will come round to them, we have had a busy year and just want to chill.

We have all got family's and sometimes you have to think of yourselves, my relationship with my family really annoys and upsets me, I feel like the black sheep of the family,my mother bought me and my two sisters up on her own, my real father died a few years ago, but when he left my mother he started another family and never wanted to know me, which broke my heart. When I was 18 I moved out of home, I know she didn't want me to go, and after that she just didn't seem bothered with me, I do not feel close to my mother at all, I feel ashamed to say it but that is the truth,  never once has told me she loves me, she is just stuck in her own little world,in the twenty six years since I met hubby she has only came to our house twice and then she tagged along with someone else.
She doesn't drive, but we have never lived more than 45 mins apart, there are buses.

She quite happily goes down my elder sisters house down the road every day, and she manages to go from North Devon to Weston Super Mare  with my elder sister, to see my younger sister .

But they just don't make an effort with me, unless I ring her she just can't be bothered, when I found out I had Cancer in Feb 2014 , I rang to tell her and her reaction was 'Oh dear', and during that year she only rang me twice to see how I was, I was the one going through a tough time and she just couldn't be assed.

We have been here now just over 9 weeks, and she hasn't rung to see how we are getting on, and I am not ringing on principle.

But I know she is never going to change, I just find it so upsetting.



We are both very close to our own son, he rings me everyday just to say hello and he is not embarrassed to give his mum and dad a kiss and hug. 


I know as our son gets older and when he gets a job and his further away from us and busy, we will always stay in contact and not drift apart, we have a special bond.




28 comments:

  1. Sometimes I wonder if it's the lack of love in our own lives that makes us ensure our children feel the love we have for them. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas in your own home, we've been just the 4 of us for years now and even though it can still make me sad, I am ok with it xx

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    1. Hi Cheryl yes you are certainly right there x

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  2. I'm really sorry to hear that. They say you can't change how other people are, you can only change how you deal with them. It sounds like you have come to accept how she is even though it is difficult. My relationship with my own mother is ok but we've never had that close bond which is a shame. Enjoy your own family, that is what I now prioritise. X

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    1. I have tried so hard over the years once I rang her up and when finished she didn't put the receiver down properly and I heard my step dad say who was that and she replied only her talking a load of rubbish as usual.
      Hubby and Son are my priorities xx

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  3. Let's face it, we can choose our friends but not are family. On the whole, we aren't close either but guess who is the one that tries- yup - me! Less so now though as I have got wise to it over the years. Same goes with so called friends, you now the ones, who say how come we don't hear from you much, yet they can't be bothered to keep in touch. There are no rules, we just deal with it all the best we can, or as we age, whether we can be bothered or not. You do what you want regarding Christmas, sometimes I must come first!

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    1. That saying is so true, we will be putting us first for a change, if they want to see us they will have to get off their ass and make an effort, but I know that won't happen x

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  4. I'm so sorry to read this post. Families can be really hard work but when it's your own mother it must be heartbreaking beyond belief. I wish you did't have to go through that. Thank goodness you have your own family to focus on and bring you joy. I think if you do stay at home for Christmas you will have a much more rewarding time. You need to think about yourself and your own needs. Hugs, friend xx

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    1. Thankyou Fiona, when we do go down to see her it is really hard work xxx

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  5. I think there's always some sort of problem in any family so don't think you're on your own with this. I'm very close to my mum and dad but my brother and I haven't spoken for more than eleven years now. You do have to put yourself first sometimes and if you know that you're the one making all the effort in the relationship then it just isn't fair, is it? I'm sure you'll have a wonderful Christmas with your son, just the three of you, it sounds like you've made your own close family and that's something that your mum and sisters can't take away from you.

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    1. Thanks Jo, I know I'm not the only one with family problems, I just really struggle with it, we are looking forward to Christmas xx

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  6. I think I accidentally unfollowed you the other day!! I've had/have a difficult relationship with my parents my father has now died & while there is a change in my mums behaviour she is certainly still trying. I'm sure you will have a wonderful Christmas without all the added on hassle x

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    1. Hi Jo, I was trying to work out who disappeared, yes I remember some of your posts about your family, yes we will have a nice Christmas, looking forward to it xx

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  7. Your mum actually sounds quite horrible. I am so sorry and she must hurt your feelings quite a lot. Having to travel all the time is very hard work and expensive. What about the family of your husband? Are they close by or involves travel. Have Christmas at home with your son and start your own traditions. Start attending Christmas Eve service. I love the carols.

    Take care.

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    1. Both our family's are in the same areas,we will enjoy ourselves no matter if we don't see anyone xx

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  8. Families are complex things. My mother died a long time ago 1992 my father in 2010 and I am the youngest of 3. I was always the one expected to run around ferrying dad to appointments, cleaning his home Yet I was also the one who worked full time, whereas my brother was retired in 2005 and my sister worked part time and still does. She did used to do his shopping but that was because he gave her his car. My brother and I didn't get anything at the time because we were much better off than her (father opinion). Its strange that sometimes the more you do for a family the less you get thought of.I would ring him sometimes and he'd say 'i wondered when you were going to ring? I used to say ' Dad you can ring me your phone can ring out you know' As I said families are complex things. My sister and brother have both inherited the inability to pick up a phone too. So for a long time now I just concentrate on my family and friends.

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    1. Sorry to hear you have had a hard time also, I have to stop thinking about it I suppose, I have two very special people in my life and I am grateful for that, x

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  9. I was so lucky with my parents and grandparents, I knew that I was loved and was told so frequently. My SIL is in much the same situation as you, once she left school she was out of the family home and into a flat as fast as possible. She had worked, secretly, for 2 years and saved every penny. She has never looked back, she did invite her mother to the wedding but she did not turn up. Now she is the other side of the world and her mother could not see her if she wanted to. You have built a good family life for yourself, do not repine over what can not be just enjoy what you have.

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    1. Thanks Pam you are absolutely right xx

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  10. Families are indeed very complex! My MIL has a very strange ( to me) relationship with my husband. We live 300 miles away from her and try to visit at least twice a year. However the visits are never returned by her coming to us. There isn't an atmosphere as such when we do meet but I feel it's very one sided. Our 3 kids (her 3 eldest grandchildren) have only met her a handful of times and they've never received birthday cards unlike her other grandchildren who live near her. To me it's things like this that I find odd. We made a special journey earlier in the year to introduce her to our granddaughter (her first great grandchild) who is 2. MIL could not have been less interested to say the least!! Nowt as queer as folk as the saying goes!!

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    1. Families are very complex, sorry to hear it affects you as well, my mother gives us £50 at Christmas and our son £50 , but money doesn't cut it for me I'm afraid. She won't give us anything this year as she always expects us to go down, but we won't be doing it, those days have gone .

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  11. It sounds like you have a plan for Christmas that will work well for you and give you some much-needed peace.

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    1. Yes we will be fine, it will be good to relax and not run around x

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  12. As others have said, families can be very strange. If hurtful things are said they can never be un-said. I never got on with my mother in law and she was very hurtful to me many times so I learned to ignore her comments, yet I was the one who took her to hospital visits, brought her shopping and clothes when she wouldn't leave the house. She is gone now and father in law is so different, he's lovely so I find helping him (at 93 years old) a pleasure. Just do your own thing at Christmas without worrying about other peoples opinions. We may yet all get snowed in so enjoy it, just the 3 of you :) x

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    1. Sorry to hear you have had a hard time as well x

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  13. Oh, the pain that some families inflict on one another. I'm so sorry you don't have a good relationship with your mother, that is really sad. I loved my mother and I know she loved me. We shared such fun and laughter together and I think that is why, when she died, I wasn't more upset than I was because I knew that she knew she was loved and I couldn't have done more for her if I'd tried, so I had no regrets. I do think it is those who harbour regrets that when a parent (or any other relative for that matter) dies, they feel such grief. I could be wrong, of course, but this is just my opinion.
    As for your cancer, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I, too, have had cancer and I do hope that you are now well or at least having treatment.
    You are doing the right thing not to travel all over the place just because it's Crhistmas!
    Margaret P

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    1. Hello Margaret, I have tried so hard she just isn't bothered, I am just going to get on with it and not worry any more, life's about living and enjoying, I was given the all clear in May this year, but the point I was trying to make is that if she was going to show any emotion and feeling you would have thought she would have when being told her daughter had cancer, but no, never mind I have two special people in my life and they come first.

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  14. I'm not sure if you will see this comment, as it is in an October post (I have spent ages tonight reading all your posts since a few weeks before you moved house) For some reason after I bookmarked your blog, I didn't see any posts after that point and it was only due to seeing a comment from you on another blog that I 'found' you again.
    Anyway, I just wanted to say that if you are planning to post Christmas gifts, it's so much cheaper to use 'MyHermes' than Royal Mail, particularly bigger parcels. I send a packed box up to my son and family in Warwickshire every Christmas and this is much the cheapest way. Hope this is of some use to you in the money-saving efforts. Rosemary (Rambler) xx

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    1. Hiya, Rosemary, yes I have used MyHermes all the time now as Royal Mail have made so many cock ups in the past x

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